December 14, 2022
Like any self-respecting writer, I obsess about being read, wondering if anyone out there cares or even notices what I say. So naturally I was delighted when the New York Times, no less, picked up a story I broke right here on this blog a few years back, “Why Do Men Sprout Hairs in Weird Places With Age?”
The odd places are the ears and nose. If you’re a woman, or a guy who’s not as “aged” as me, you might think this is trivial, and you’d be wrong. For one thing, ear hair has a fearsome-sounding medical name, which is auricular hypertrichosis. Left unchecked, it can lead to complications like deafness, though it’s hard to picture even the most clueless dude letting it go that far.
It’s still quite a shock when one day you look fine and the next there’s a clump of little tentacles sticking out of your helix and antitragus (the upper and lower portions of the ear). Like daffodils in spring, these babies shoot up fast. If I don’t clip and nip ’em in the bud, they get so long I can use them for dental floss. Okay, maybe not, although an Indian gent made Guinness when his shrub hit 13 centimeters (about five inches).
Nose hair is the lesser problem for me. The trouble is that it comes out whiter than a snow-covered mountain on a sunny day and instantly catches everyone’s eye except mine. However, I’m not about to embark on some painful, expensive treatment like lasers or electrolysis.
According to the Times, there’s a theory that long ago, baldness or ear hair “may have been seen as a sign of high testosterone and virility, making men with those characteristics appear to be viable mates.” YES! But, “Whatever the possible benefit might have been, long nose hair doesn’t seem to be serving the same purpose these days.”
You are not alone.I am certain the culprit is TESTOSTERONE. Only men have ear hair.. It’s carried on the Y chromosome. But elderly dames start to develop chin hairs and bushy eyebrows. Brows can be clipped if the female involved doesn’t want to look like Santa, but the chin hairs–dare I call it a beard?–would be electrolysis or shaved or, ouch, plucked. Ouch. Thankfully I have never heard a woman complain of nose hairs! Perhaps residual estrogen helps crones keep their pates covered too?!