Attention all single women in greater northeast Atlanta: Are you anxious to latch onto a man but don’t know where the hot prospects are hiding? Tired of staking out sports bars? Wanna wear something besides skin-tight Spandex to the gym?
Well, all you have to do is visit the Dunwoody Patch, where you’ll find a map of where the divorced men live in Dunwoody, Georgia! That’s right; in a radical act of investigative journalism, the Patch has taken census data and created a graphic showing the local concentrations of divorced / gently used / recycled guys. Just hover over each tract and you’ll find out how many are lurking there. (Hint: Sandy Springs looks especially ripe for picking.)
With apologies to the Patch – which actually runs useful stuff sometimes – this is some of the most boneheaded b.s. I’ve ever encountered. Can you even imagine the megatons of outrage we’d be seeing if they published a map to divorced women? Besides, exactly how is the audience supposed to make use of this? Just knowing there are 51 targets in a certain plot of land doesn’t help much. Are women going to form scouting parties, roaming the woods and wilds with walkie-talkies? I’ll bet they already have! Let’s listen in:
First woman: “Hotbrunette39 to Buckheadbabe: Any sightings in your area?”
Second woman: “Buckheadbabe to Hotbrunette. Potential DM walking schnauzer on Dizzy Deer Lane. Going in for closer look.”
First woman: “Caution advised, B-babe. He might bite you or hump your leg.”
Second woman: “Geez, I was hoping for at least a cup of coffee first.”
The only thing the Patch did right in this item was to use “data” correctly, i.e., as a plural noun. I hate it when people throw datums around carelessly.