May 15, 2024
A thief in the night. A digital cat burglar. A ravenous automaton. A zombie on steroids. A destroyer of hope and sanity. A lot of other things from the Writer’s Guide to Cheesy, Overused Metaphors.
Am I talking about some manifestation* of AI? Nope, I’ve already been there and kvetched about that. This techno-plague is invasive, a word usually reserved for lionfish, Burmese pythons, and Kardashians. The culprit in the caper is Microsoft OneDrive.
Like the smooth voice on the phone asking for your bank account number, or your neighbor’s brother’s friend with a fantastic deal on a car, this critter is deceptive. “Back up your important files, photos, apps, and settings so they’re available no matter what happens to your device,” MS says breezily. “Have peace of mind knowing you can easily recover your files from accidents or corrupted files.”
Now look again at the first two words: Back up. Most of us would probably think they mean create copies, because most cloud services do just that. As usual when dealing with the pestilence forced upon us by the overlords of the Blue Screen of Death, our assumption would be very wrong. In OneDrive lingo, back up means move. Only it doesn’t SAY SO IN BOLDFACE CAPS like it should.
A few weeks ago I innocently clicked “Yes” on a prompt asking if I wanted to “back up” videos. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize it was also set for documents, music, pictures, the whole combo platter. In a flash, my carefully curated C drive was emptier than George Santos’s conscience, replaced by a dizzying wilderness of redundant folders and files.
With a good bit of effort I restored normalcy, thinking I’d neutered the beast. Then one morning I nearly blew a transmission when folder after folder after folder after folder was vacant, again. Like a kid fighting over a toy, OneDrive was yelling, “That’s miiiiiine!!!!!”
Thanks to my patient IT-authority spouse and some videos, all’s right with the machine and my blood pressure. The lesson here is one I learned long ago as a journalist: “If your mother (MS, Apple, Google, Meta) says she loves you (is the answer to all your hopes, dreams, and prayers even if you’re an atheist), check it out (RTFM)!”
*From the Guide to Ten-Dollar Words.