August 7, 2020
As you might know, Michelle Obama has said she’s dealing with low-level depression over the pandemic, racial strife, and the Trump administration. She’s far from alone: more than a third of us are believed to be suffering from mental distress, but numbers are abstract, impersonal. It’s different when it’s you and me.
Like Ms. Obama, I haven’t been sleeping well. I’m usually all right once I’m up and doing something with my day, even if it’s laundry or loading the dishwasher. My wife and I are still healthy, secure, and don’t have kids or grandkids to worry about when school starts. The knowledge that we’re luckier than most usually helps me stay on an even keel.
This morning, though, I woke up with a song in my head that set off a wave of sadness I’m still trying to shake. My hip friends will think I’ve really gone off the rails when they read that the song was “Watching and Waiting” by none other than the Moody Blues.
In high school and for a while in college, I thought their stuff was pretty heavy. I soon moved on to harder-edged rock as well as blues and jazz, and my Moodies LPs went to the used-record store. I don’t know why this tune popped into my mind when I haven’t heard it since about 1973. Give a listen if you don’t know it or don’t remember. A lot of longtime fans think it’s one of their best.
The point of view is unclear — perhaps God, the Earth itself, or a metaphor for someone’s melancholy spirit. Whatever the song means, for reasons I can’t fathom, today it hit me right between the eyes.
Watching and waiting
For a friend to play with
Why have I been alone so long.
Soon you will see me
‘Cause I’ll be all around you
But where I come from I can’t tell
But don’t be alarmed by my fields and my forests
They’re here for only you to share
All day I’ve been trying to hold it together. Sometimes I can hardly write. I still don’t understand why. I’ve gone through worse times without reacting this way.
But tomorrow is another day. Take care, go easy on yourself, cherish your loved ones, and be safe.
Watching and waiting
For someone to understand me
I hope it won’t be very long
The old ennui as Frank S. Once sang about. In the midst of the pandemic, the Trump catastrophe, and getting older, it would be hard not to wonder what it was all about. Who are we and what have we added to this world? It can have you feeling a little blue.