As longtime (three months?), devoted (any) readers of this blog may know, I get seriously aggravated when people stereotype me because of my age (58) and expect me to like it. So a couple days ago I’m gazing at NBC Nightly News, and what do I see but “Never too late: Seniors find love online.”
Time out! We’re in 2013 and a major network still thinks it’s NEWS that people are seeking companionship on something called the Internet, even when said seekers aren’t exactly spring chickens? As a former reporter and editor myself, I must state that in my professional judgment, this is a huge breaking story all right, in the same league with “Dog bites man,” “New Year’s Day Follows New Year’s Eve,” “Grant Buried in Grant’s Tomb,” and “It’s Colder Than a Welldigger’s Ass in Minnesota at This Time of Year.”
What exactly are the big revelations here: that “seniors” actually know how to use computers? Or that they’re in search of someone with whom they can do what birds, bees, and even educated fleas do? Hasn’t NBC ever heard of Hugh Hefner and Strom Thurmond?
The story touches on the new AARP dating site, whose concept is fine but strategy seems a bit questionable. The way it seems to work is that you suggest your ideal first date to others at large, like “How about we…go to a used bookstore and each choose something for the other to read.”
Riiiiggghhtt. I’ll bet the women would suggest “Fifty Shades of Grey,” while the men would pick “An Illustrated History of the Zone Defense.” And trust me, even from this “senior” population, they’ll get more than a few submissions like, “How about we…get naked and sing?” Or, “How about we…put on the matching Mouseketeer bathing suits, slather ourselves with organic ketchup, and do the Lithuanian love dance on the roof of the carport in the moonlight?”
(Note to my wife: all my recent visits to AARP Dating are for literary research only. How about we…hang out for a little while longer, say til death do us part?)
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