For Michigan fans, Alabama fans, and everyone who lives in a “mixed relationship” during football season.
Stipulate: Law . to accept (a proposition) without requiring that it be established by proof: to stipulate the existence of certain facts or that an expert witness is qualified
Party A stipulates – at probable great cost to his relationships with his relatives, friends, neighbors, college classmates, exes, and various strangers – that there is no real, tangible, temporal, existential, or other connection between one Nicholas Lou (Nick) Saban, of Tuscaloosa, AL (or Paul W. “Bear” Bryant, late of Tuscaloosa) and the deity, of any known, mainstream, or non-mainstream church or faith. Said party further stipulates that The Mighty Fine Divine House of ‘Bama, operated out of Stumpy’s Sports Shack in Alabaster, AL, fails to constitute a church for the purposes of this discussion.
Party B appreciates Party A’s renunciation of a lifelong belief and states that in return she will forswear further use of the story about how the coach went out for his morning walk and got run over by a Jet Ski.
Party A appreciates Party B’s willingness to not bore people with that old joke. He questions whether his initial stipulation means he can no longer employ Alabama Expression #1,“ROLL TIDE!,” or Expression #2, “RAMMER JAMMER YELLOW HAMMER!,” at key points during games.
Party B stipulates Party A can use them all he wants during games if he’ll just stop using Expression #2 during sex.
Party A will stipulate no such thing because he never did. Party A also reminds Party B that people could hear her halfway to Memphis screaming Michigan Expression #1,”GO BLUE!,” during the Michigan State game last fall, so what’s the big damn deal?
Party B reminds Party A oh yes, he did, and it might be on that video they made that time when they were pretty drunk. Party B stipulates that her enthusiasm might’ve been excessive, but reminds Party A that Michigan State is like Auburn only more so, and he’d know that if he ever damn listened.
Party A stipulates that if she wants to yell “GO BLUE” she isn’t going to do it in HIS house anytime soon and maybe she should do it in the actual Michigan Stadium, and if she wants to freeze to death up there in September that’s fine with him too.
Party B stipulates that she’d rather freeze than sweat like a goat, and it doesn’t usually snow that much during the season, and if he wants to be in any more videos it’s not going to happen in HER house anytime soon.
Party A stipulates that from this moment on, he no longer agrees with Paul Finebaum on the subject of Michigan football.
Party B appreciates his stipulation. In the spirit of reconciliation, she stipulates that “drunk-ass rednecks” was an inappropriate description for (most) Alabama fans.
Party A thinks it sounds right for a couple other schools.
Party B agrees. She further stipulates that “barbeque” is in fact a noun, not a verb, but refuses to yield on the Dreamland vs. Carlile’s issue.
Party A would like to call the “Slot wide right triple-option naked reverse.”
Party B says no way, but she’s open to a zone blitz.
Parties A and B, B and A, together stipulate:
GO TIDE!! ROLL BLUE!!